She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
