YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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