Swine flu. Run for my life!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize