Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.