I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was