I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.