can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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