I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
