But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
