I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
