Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I smell stomach acid.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
