If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
