Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
