Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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