Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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