one two three fourrrrnication!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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