Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
