I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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