if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How's work?
Spinning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
