My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
