I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
