i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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