A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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