remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
