last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
