Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
