It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
