Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
