I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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