There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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