does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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