This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
