Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
