the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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