she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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