can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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