I cannot find my penis.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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