Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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