dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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