Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
