i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
