Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
