the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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