Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
