I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
