I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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