dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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