My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
