Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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