so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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