2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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