You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
