I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
