you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
