he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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