I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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