I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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