My first STD was from a foam party
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
