he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
