sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
