I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
