Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
