i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
