Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize