I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
