He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
