Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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