It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
