my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize