I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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