you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
