I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
