I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
