please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
