WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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