Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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