I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.