I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."