The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.