It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something