ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT