Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.