I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?