high people should be assigned attendants
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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