wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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