we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
