i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
