The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
