is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
