ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
