so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
